Recovering Youth – The Exuberance of the Young

“Hello, my name is Jan Verhoeff and I’m recovering from youth.” My attendance at the Senior Center had been recognized and I was forced to join the twelve step program for the prevention of exuberance. No where in all my youth had I prepared for this experience. I had no clue from the many times I’d visited the Senior Center with my friends and family that there were so many rules about the Senior Center. Nor had I cared.

I mean… I read the signs that said no skateboarding. Those signs made sense and were understood. After all, someone might break a bone, but did you see the look on that lady’s face when I laughed at the knock knock jokes on the back of their daily program? Is humor not allowable in her either?

Later, I was caught playing with a toy on the counter and given a resounding slap to the fingers by a matronly woman of 55 as she walked past. I won’t forget her hand print in the near future. But the ultimate shame came when I was passing out the fliers for a speaking engagement I was supposed to do in the dining hall after lunch and an elderly woman gave me a “true looking over” when my fingers inadvertently touched her husband’s fingers. If I ever do that again, I’ll probably sprout horns and die the wretched death  of a frog on the highway. SPLAT!!

These  daring young adults dare to laugh and have a good time on a nearby lawn, enjoying the pleasant summer afternoon, long before the onset of winter, where snow days outnumber sunny afternoons and the grasses grow weathered and brown.

Dare we entertain exuberant youth in our communities, as the aging among us slip off toward the winters of life, when our youthful exuberance risks notification of a local senior authority? We must risk it all for the fun of a little good times in the sun, youth or the aging, take a risk. Have some fun!

Collision Course with Futility

Looking back, I know there could have been a different outcome, but finality comes with the shadow of death. There’s no turning back, only looking back, and trying from this point forward to hear the sound of grace as human kindness take hold and bring about the changes of progress for the future. I’m sorry, probably doesn’t cut it, when the right thing can’t be done because it’s too late.

But, the wrong thing… nobody knew.

We can’t see the future. If we could, there would be many actions taken that would make a difference. That difference would sing, raising choruses to heaven, but we’re not designed for forward vision. We can only see what is now, and what is past.

Today’s lesson in living is to take that chance, on the outside opportunity that the relationship you may save will be your own, and tell the other side (that person who has appeared to be in conflict with you) that you’d like to know them better. The worst that can happen, if you reach out and make the attempt, is that you’ll get burned a bit by the temper of a person who isn’t willing to let you get to know them better. But, alternatively, the best that can happen is that you make a new friend.

Without intending to do so… I judged someone unfairly. I accepted a version of the truth and without intending to make judgment, allowed it to happen, accepting ‘defeat’ before I made the effort to make a friend. The cost is greater than any cost I’ve known before in my life, and  yet, I understand that God allows these lessons in life for a reason. I know the best of God’s love is yet to come, and I understand that He gives more knowledge to those He believes are ready.

Wisdom often comes from bad choices.

I pray I’m worthy of the wisdom I’ve received today…

I just thank God for bringing me a new friend and a different perspective. Life isn’t always the way we see it, sometimes there’s a different view. I must remember that and speak out when I question a seeming reality.

Each time I learn a lesson I realize I’ve been on a collision course with futility. The reality of God’s love is a tender wisdom that comes from the lessons we learn, a knowing that brings understanding to the hills we die upon. If we’d never known a failure, or lost a battle, we’d never know the value of success, the power to win, or the consequences of not listening to the still small voice of God. The perspective we view often gives us a vision that is less than perfect, only through listening to God’s still small voice can we hear the sound of grace or know the life of loving that brings with it the grateful glory of a God who sees all things and is all knowing.

As futile as this may be in this moment of time, I look back and know — I’ve heard God’s voice, and often ignored it. I pray in earnest, Lord… Speak louder next time. Amen

A Still Small Voice says “I love you, so much”

There’s the sweet aroma of apples and cinnamon in the air and we’re dancing around the opportunity to grow a family on the autumn memories that traditionally bring us all closer to the heart of home. As summer passes away and we begin to look at the future, there’s an option of saving grace on the crisp cool winds. Family…

When a still small voice whispers back, “I love you, so much.” Life becomes more worthy, your efforts more gratifying and the joy you feel suddenly takes on a new meaning. My granddaughter was two years old in June and her voice often peels out with laughter and the screams of joy only a two year old can express. But there’s more… When she drops her screams of joy to a whisper and says, “I want to go to Grandma’s house.” You know without a doubt that she’s content to just be a loving child, filled to the brim with the existence she’s living.

She understands the value of love.

No matter how many toys and gifts she receives, no matter how much she’s given, she’s got a firm grasp on the reality of love and she knows where to go when she needs to feel that love. Her Mommy’s arms are always open, ready and waiting. She understands that home means Mommy’s love. And she knows that Gramma’s house means Mommy (and her) feel safe.

As autumn threatens to overtake the greens of summer and life becomes peaceful and serene on the home fronts once again, the joy of family takes center screen. We know our loved ones need us every day, every hour, but in the winter when the cold winds blow, there’s a comforting source of existence that brings us more – the power to live each day in the comfort of loving arms, committed to making each day better than the day before, simply because we’re able to love more.

Lizzie, I love you so much! (Thanks for the reminder.)

That Moment of Sincere Pain

Everybody has one, a moment when the pain becomes too much. No, we’re not talking about physical pain, or life’s little aches and injuries, we’re talking about a different kind of pain. This is the kind that settles deep into your heart and holds you captive for the rest of your life.

Over the years, I’ve known of parents who shun their children. They boot them out and tell them they never want to see them again. I’m not that parent. I struggle when I don’t hear from my kids for a day or a week, even knowing they’re okay and nothing is really wrong in their lives.

When I watch my children grow up and know that one day they’ll move out, move on in life and eventually have children of their own, I know my job is finished – in the sense of parenting. I realize I’m not a necessary part of their lives and they can grow and live without me. I’ve done my job well. All those tomorrows come rushing back and yesterday fills the air, and I know that life will go on. Then I think of the times I promised to take a child to the park, or swimming, or to play ball, and I wonder how many of those times they’ll remember. Will they know that I missed that moment too.

The work comes and stays. Too much for too long, and I realize how often I put aside that which is important to get the work done. The work needed doing too. But my babies needed loving more.

One day leads to another and the babies grow up all too fast.

The work? It’s still there. It still needs doing, and although most got done on time, and more came in to be done. I still think that I should have done more with my babies, and left the work lay.

Time passes and I know the moment of sincere pain, doesn’t mean the job isn’t finished… It means another baby, took another step away, and Mom is feeling the tug of little apron strings soon to come untied. Just one more little tug and off they’ll fly, each one moving one step closer to goodbye.

Value Parenting? VOTE NO!

If you’re looking at the current health care bill as your savior in existence and medical provision, think again…

Parenting  your children via your choice, because  you love them. No  longer an acceptable skill, via the government — who will be sending in appropriate skilled persons to determine your ability to parent  your children. Disagree with shots, or public school? It won’t matter, your parenting skills are a risk for your child and you’ll be removed from their lives.

Whether you believe you have good children or not won’t be the issue. It’s whether or not you qualify under their determination factors. Are you a safe parent? Do you agree with everything Government does and says? Those will be the determining factors of whether or not  you keep your children at home.

Read what Chuck Norris says about this issue.

Family Values – Honor the Family

Jolts of reality struck me like lightning splintering the darkness.

Where did that come from? My thoughts rehashed the discussion of an earlier topic and landed square in the middle of a chat with my son-in-law about the values of family and how honoring heritage has created a distinctive void in current society. The implication of that statement is clouded by a downward directive. Is it only the foundational element of the family who has a right to expect honor?

In a family where alcoholism and greed provide a fundamental source of value a rejected child may feel the need to improve upon or compete with the chosen career of the parent who seems most normal. Or it may involve the child feeling a lack of position and self-confidence? Either way, the pertinent position of power is disrupted by a lack of “honor”.

Applied to current political realities these same words reek of insincerity and bleak renouncement of allegiances. A president who dares to apologize for his position, despite his status and power, the man, elected into office on the ignorance of youth and unskilled voters, disregards the heritage of freedom and liberty in an attempt to force compliance on people who reject social equity for the more realistic notion of equality. Is there justice in the daring acquisition of a position he didn’t deserve, has no right to hold and has disgraced so completely in such a short period of time?

When the implication of family values stands down the heritage of a nation, the fault of irrefutable justice lacks grounds and ceases to be of consequence. Justice in and of itself ceases to exist.

In the same realm of existence, family values cease to hold power when implied upon a fundamental foundation of alcoholism and greed. No matter how significantly applied, when a woman known to consume great amounts of alcohol is allowed continued access to a vehicle and encouraged to get behind the steering wheel, endangering the lives of others, her rights have diminished the right to life of those in her path.

So too, is the application of a president who has destroyed in his first hundred and fifty days the freedom and liberty of a nation. Although many of the laws he’s attempting to enact won’t be in appliance until after the next congressional/senatorial votes are applied, the attempts still exist. His disregard of the wishes of the American people have affected the future generations of this nation, and the world with a negative impact. Liberty is at stake. Are you willing to give it up?

Just as alcoholism and greed can destroy a family, presidential atrophy and insubordination can destroy a nation. Life as we know it is changing and without so much as a sigh, the change we didn’t want will have taken place before we can grasp the reality of our displaced freedoms and destroyed liberty.

Generational application of the lack of values changes the future, eradicates the past, and mutilates social justice. Are you ready to live with the mistakes?

There is an option.

Just as family values are built on the Biblical Principles of a Savior sent down from Heaven, the values of this nation are built on the fundamental principles described in the Constitution of the United States of America, a document founded on Biblical Principles. The American Experiment has succeeded, or at least until 1913 applications of Constitutional Amendments allowing dangerous changes to the foundational document it had succeeded. Even with those changes, the 5000 year leap had continued to improve lives, increase technology, and advance social application, until January 2009.

40 Something Single Mom

It’s a daring proposition, being a single mom pushing 50. You’d be surprised what a challenge it can be to raise children in these days, with balance, moral values and ethics.  I’ve found the most significant key to raising children is having a sense of humor.

The Coffee Clatter

Faith in God is probably the upper most thing I rely on, but God has a way of sending warnings in humorous forms. Like a few days ago when my son decided to let me know that he’d exchanged addresses with a kid from Korea who wants to be an exchange student. I’m not brave enough to take on another teenager while the boys are BOTH learning how to drive.  Besides, who knows if I’ll be in one town the whole year. I like freedom.

I was proud of my response, I asked how old the kid from Korea is, and where will he stay (we have a two bedroom home). The solution was baffling, “He’ll be staying in my room and I’ll be in Korea staying with his family.”

It took me twenty minutes to calm down his brother who isn’t interested in sharing his room with anyone who doesn’t speak the same language he does, really well. Life moved on after that decision was made.

Then there’s the moment when my son came home covered in smoke. I didn’t have to ask what happened. With his teeth shining from behind the black smoke coated face, he announced, “We set the hay field on fire.”

I listened as he told the tail of how he and his boss set a field on fire while burning a ditch and all the details of their putting it out with the fire department helping out. He wondered if the fire department always brings pop to the victims of a fire. I said, “You mean pop to the arsonists? I doubt it. They probably prefer they not call them in.”

Or more recently, when the boys spent days suffering with chicken pox and hours of their confinement connecting the dots with my highlighter marker. I nearly had a coronary when I saw what they were doing. “Stop, you might get an infection!”

“Mom, we already have one. We’re just having fun.”

Okay, so I’m probably over reacting (although I really did make them stop connecting the dots). Reality says, raising boys through the teen years should be done before you turn fifty. At least, it’s a good idea.

Jan Verhoeff - Daisy Marketing Concepts

But, seriously, being a single mom at 40 something isn’t so bad… I’d do it all again. The worst part is, as they move out… You miss ‘em!

Dating and the Single Mom

Not so very long ago, the idea of a mother of teenagers going out on a date was unheard of in the context of real life and good girls. You just simply didn’t do it, and if you did, nobody was supposed to know. Not that Aunt Martha and Grandma Suzzette weren’t discussing your immoral behavior at every family dinner between Easter and Christmas, but… you certainly didn’t tell anyone and you NEVER, EVER would have brought him home to meet the family until you were wearing a little gold band.

Parenting under half a moon…

Summers often remind me of childhood. As a parent, I see visions of the future for my children and I wonder if they’ll remember these days as fondly as I remember my childhood.

Times when we talk into the wee hours of the morning, or when we spend hours watching the stars, the moon, or a lightening show move across the sky. Last night was such a night. Life had gotten the better of my son and I. It was time to talk.

We parked on a knoll and watched the storm build under half a moon, far off in the east. Tall thunderheads billowed, lightening flashed, and color split the sky, somewhere the earth got a drenching.

As we talked, I realized that parenting is like that thunder storm. Two sets of emotions collide, they build to a frenzy and erupt into displays of color and light, thunder rolls, and the skies split open to drench the soul with a cleansing shower. Time passes and the storm moves on to come again another day.

Life is what you make it. Without the thunderstorms and rain showers, we’d never know the blessing of transformation. My son grew last night, to understand that no matter how bad life gets, the good parts of life make them worthwhile. He began to know the value of building strong relationships that can weather the storms, and he gave me great pleasure in the form of acceptance. By knowing that life does continue on, the storms pass, and we grow and learn every single day we exist here on earth.