Some mornings just don’t flow as smoothly as others… Those days, I want to step back in time and adjust my words. Even though there was nothing wrong with what I said, it wasn’t accepted in the most pleasant manner, which meant words were exchanged that should never have been said.
Purpose? The knowledge of revealing information might come as a significant surprise, if unaware of the location and position. There’s background that fills out the story, but the main thoughts were more important, and the purpose of the running for the office of President came from faith and understanding his purpose.
The Write One rocks with writers who share personal details, ideas and concepts. Writing at my favorite coffee shop again, feeling the benefits of putting words on paper. It’s amazing how good a craft can feel when the worlds collide in literature.
Today, feeling like I’ve stepped on millions of toes recently, I stepped back to look over some of the incidents that seem to have taken my attitude the wrong way recently. I’m feeling a bit overwhelmed by life, and that’s not a normal feeling for me. I prefer to feel a bit more in control of my life. So, it was definitely time to step out of the purgatory of victimhood and look around at what’s happening to make me feel like a victim in my own life.
My Nana said she and Mommy were best friends and they can be best friends again if Mommy will just call her and tell her she’s sorry. Mommy why won’t you call Nana?
My granddaughter had just climbed into her car seat and wasn’t buckled in yet. I could hear the breath, I knew her thoughts as if she were speaking them out loud, my daughter let the breath out slowly, fastening the car seat. She carefully fastened her in the car seat, closed the door and got into the front seat. Belted in and settled for the ride home, she took another long slow deep breath.
Perception. Everything suddenly drops to the basis of perception.
Who has a halo and who has horns becomes a rift in relationships in families, bringing the value of each person down to the perception of others. But why?
Doing the life dance, I’ve learned there’s a cost. Over the years, I’ve heard many people talk about boundaries and how well boundaries manage friendships and relationships… Maybe true, maybe not.
I’m not a fan of the way most people attempt to set boundaries. Not only is the method self serving and ineffective, but more often than not, blatantly RUDE.
Example: Discussions of religion or politics.
These topics are not readily acceptable in public, but if you have a problem with them being discussed, YOU are the one with the problem, not everyone in the room. Most adults are capable of having a conversation without attacking others, and those who understand that others have a difference of opinion may disagree, but they don’t attack.
Those who don’t understand this may need a little help, a boundary if you like, to adjust their message a bit.
A good boundary would be, “I disagree with what you’re saying and we’re not going to be able to agree, but I appreciate you sharing. Now, might be a good time to change the topic. My grandmother has taken up ballet dancing in France, would you like to see her photos?”
A bad boundary is, “What you say offends me and I expect an apology from you before I can continue to talk to you.”
The first example, the speaker takes responsibility for his/her own feelings, states the fact that the two won’t agree and acknowledge the other person’s right to have an opinion, then moves on to a different topic.
The second example, the speaker gives ALL responsibility for the offense to the other person, demands an apology, and figuratively “takes his toys and goes home.”
Either example can be used by the person who feels offended, but the second one takes no responsibility for his personal choices. This social boundary is one that prevails more often than not, leaving the person who feels offended with no personal control over his/her feelings. OOOPS. Do they want NO CONTROL over their feelings?
When friendship goes wrong because boundaries are wrongly used, the person who gave up all responsibility for their personal feelings becomes a “self-made” VICTIM waiting indefinitely for their “proclaimed abuser” to validate their existence and victim status by apologizing for having an opinion. The second person if they fall for the demand, then becomes an enabler, actuating the victim status with the proposed apology, and feeling frustrated themselves for having apologized for something they feel no REAL guilt over.
Psycho-babble? Yes, of the worst kind.
Often, so called psychiatrists, dig deep into a person’s psychic and offer perceived explanations for self-created victim status, applauding the “victim” for seeking help. Psychiatrists and Counselors make BIG Money applauding victims in their pursuit of “help” as they spend hours listening to the “victim” explain how others have wronged them, wrongly.
In all the counseling sessions I’ve attended (and there have been a few), there were VERY few trained counselors who indicated that I should take responsibility for my own actions/reactions and either move on from a relationship or simply let go of the relationship to allow the other person to take responsibility for their own actions. More often, the counselor/psychiatrist indicated I should seek to repair the broken relationship by explaining to the other person their fault in the break.
No. No… No! That’s not the solution!
With any situation, if you can OWN it, you can FIX it.
Take responsibility for the broken relationship. Understand your own part in the situation and acknowledge that you might have been at fault, then fix it if you can. If you can’t fix it, take responsibility for your own choices and walk away – NOT A VICTIM. Don’t jump into the fire accepting all responsibility if it isn’t yours, that enables a victim mentality in the other person. But do own your part in the situation and FIX that part. If there’s more and you can’t fix it, see if you can discuss it with the other person, but if there’s no option for fixing the problem other than enabling the person to continue being a victim, stop there.
Say this, “I love you and I am at fault for my part of this issue. I’ll fix that, but I can’t take responsibility for your part of the problem. It’s been a lovely friendship and I’ll miss you, but I won’t carry your part of our friendship as well as my own. God bless you my friend, I’ll be praying for you.”
And let them go their way, with your blessings.
Tell me how you handle broken friendships and how you might fix one, if possible. I’d like other thoughts on this issue.
Over the past many years a good friend of mine has battered me senseless because I’m a single mom. In all honesty and fairness, that wasn’t the REASON she was battering me, but her judgments left bruises and I felt beaten down each time we visited because she often told me how disappointed she was that I couldn’t make my marriage work.
We all get them, those end of January blues that torment you about the goals you didn’t set, the ones you set but didn’t keep, and the different ways you’re already failing in the new year. When I realized I was succumbing to the End of January Blues, I took a deep breath and looked around at my accomplishments.
By acknowledging all the ways I’ve gained ground this month, I was able to overcome the blues part of this scenario and step into the spot light of accomplishment instead. I love knowing I’ve achieved something of value, but more often, I’m stuck beating myself up for what I didn’t do.
This month, it seems like I’ve been sick every time I turned around. Not seriously sick, just a head cold, a little virus or some other such non-sense that kept me from moving forward with my business… Or so I thought. By looking at what I’ve accomplished, I realized that by staying home, I’ve finished off more of my goals than I would have by being out in the public, because I actually settled in and worked on them. I did the eNewsletters, set up my schedule, and have been busting my buns accomplishing my financial/helping others goals. There’s so much to be said for simply working at home!
New clients and contacts ROCK, but by working at home and getting things done. My business took off, I have contacted clients that needed to be contacted, and I have made sales I might not have made, had I been schmoozing with the girls at the coffee shop or working accountability Tuesday, because it takes time to go from one place to the other and working at home, I didn’t lose ground on my schedule.
Yes, I have to get out and meet new people, but I’ll be more selective in the events I participate in now that I know I get more done at home.
Occasionally, I get on my soap box and tell everyone (who reads my blogs) what I think. It isn’t a big deal to anyone else, and actually, there’s a probably nobody with any real power reading these anyways, but you never know…
On those occasions when I really tire of hearing about how many soldiers gave their lives to save people who hate Americans, I just really want to tell someone who will listen and do something about it. Shut down the borders, end the war and bring our soldiers home. It doesn’t seem to matter how important the cause is, when the country doesn’t want our interference, they seem to say so loudly – at least through the mass media. The people don’t really want American soldiers rescuing them from themselves and their own stupid bad habits, they just want someone to kick around and beat up on while they continue living in third world existences.
I’m sorry for those who haven’t stood up for themselves and made the effort to become or remain a free country, but why are we fighting it for them, if they don’t want freedom?
Instead, our boys are “over there” fighting for what THEY don’t want, and meanwhile they’ve sent their pigeon here to rule over us, trash our nation and beat us into submission as a socialist country. Isn’t it time our boys came home to protect their own people from the terrorism that threatens? So, we close the borders and don’t let any more illegal immigrants cross them, until we can ship back those that are already here. Maybe we close the borders down long enough to send them all back? Is that a bad thing?
I’ve grown up with illegal immigrants surrounding me, knowing that their own people (those who came here legally) would rather send them home. The people who have earned the right to be here do NOT want illegal immigrants staying here in the states. They’d rather they be sent back. The legal immigrants came here following the laws, respecting the language and learning the culture, because they wanted the advantages of living in the United States. There ARE Advantages to being a citizen of the United States. There are many advantages.
So, why must we tolerate those who would take those advantages away from us?
Why can we not say, “If you want what we offer, come here legally, otherwise GO HOME.”
Again today, I felt the sting of an illegal immigrant ignoring the laws here, living without the rules and blessings and ignoring the importance of FREEDOM. More than just FREEDOM but the willingness to stand up and be counted in the fight to maintain our freedom, I realized there’s a stench out there, of people who don’t understand the importance of the American Flag and what it stands for. Those people have missed the concept of building a homeland where our children can grow up free and become whatever they choose to become.
Yes, I believe it’s time to bring our soldiers home and fight for what is truly important – FREEDOM and LIBERTY.